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WARNING!!! This Blog Contains Some Foul Language and Some Truths! or I didn’t do anything church related today (259)

Today was one of the best days I’ve had in a quite some time.  I seem to feel this way about a lot of days but today I especially felt this way.  I got to hang out with some people I don’t get to see very often and who I don’t hang out with very often outside of church or a church related activity.  It was great!  To be honest, I was hanging out with people in the small group I used to attend before VLI started conflicting with when they met but tonight they weren’t doing any studying or discussing the bible, we were just hanging out, eating dinner together, playing a game together, and watching Anjelah Johnson’s comedy special on Netflix.  

 

Now, if you know anything about me, you might be wondering why I am so excited to do something non-church related.  It’s not that I don’t love my church or God or the ministries I’m involved in, it just felt really nice to relax with the people I serve with so often.  I wouldn’t be so involved in the College Group or Worship at Acton or be a leader in the College Group book study if I didn’t have a passion to serve God in those capacities.  It is extremely rewarding and also quite tiring.  Tiring in the sense that, my free time is no longer spent watching TV or movies or getting coffee with friends or playing long board games/card games or even something as simple as getting enough sleep.  My free time is spent reading books on the battle Christians face when they have homosexual desires or being a Gospel Centered Disciple or listening to new worship songs and putting together set lists/schedules/practicing worship, or studying for a sermon/teaching I’ll be giving soon.  If I’m not doing that, I’m usually at my 7-4:30 job or at church itself or, occassionally, sleeping (which I should be doing right now).  

 

I’m not trying to complain or boast like “Hey, look at the great things I’m doing!!!!”  I wouldn’t do it if I thought that I wasn’t supposed to be, if I thought it was all about me and I was doing it for the wrong reasons, or if it was seriously impeding my health/sanity.  I think serving God in the church body actually makes me, and probably anyone else, appreciate those moments you do have with your friends and family even more than you normally would.  That’s probably why tonight, even though I see Lindy a lot for worship and small group and playing guitar, and I see David and Jason a lot because of work and college group, I still value getting to spend tonight with them not doing anything related to church.  And I got to hang out with Adam and Andre, who I very rarely get to see, and Joel, a dear old friend who I also never get to see and miss hanging out with.  

There was no drama, there was just genuine fun and comfortability being with them.  Not that there’s ever really a lot of drama but it can happen, especially when you combine guys and girls of a similar age together.  Throw in some hormones and add some new friendships to the mix and feelings can get hurt (mine) and people can be horribly misunderstood (me) and nicknames can be given that truly piss me off (me – oh wait, I already specified that).  Seriously, it’s not okay, even if you find it funny, to nickname a friend “genital.”  I laugh those things off because I know it’s not meant to be something mean but it can be hurtful, particularly when everyone starts calling you that.  Someone please cue the bwah bwah bwah from the trumpet.  That’s how I feel about it. (say that last sentence again but in an Eeyore Image voice).  As much as I hate that nickname, please feel free to call me awesome, or wonderful, or funny, or Jenn.  I respond really well to Jenn!

So, at the end of the day today, what nuggets of awesomeness am I left with?  Even though I love my friends, I hate their nicknames for me.  I love the nicknames God gives me though, such as beautiful daughter, beloved one, precious, etc.  I love my friends even if I don’t get to see them that often.  I’m so happy God has brought me into the ministries I’m involved in. Anjelah Johnson is one of the funniest gals around and I will never get tired of hearing “nail salon.”  And I like turtles and T. Swift vs Carrie Underwood mashups and singing/playing guitar/goofing around with my friends.  

Oh and in case you missed it, the foul language I was referring to starting with a “p.”  😉

 

 Peace, love, and vanilla bean ice cream!

~Jenn

 

 

PS I got told by 3 different people at work today that I look 21.  Hearing that always cushions the “getting old” blow a bit.  Yes, I deal with vanity from time to time when it comes to my age.  Seriously, prayers are appreciated.  Sometimes I think God uses people like that to tell me that my age is literally just a number and I’m not limited by that number and I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.ImageImageImageImageImage

Peace & <3 White Chocolate Mochas OR This Is Most Definitely Not Something Snarky (274)

As promised, I will not write something snarky here about how much I hate two little words “We’ll see,” especially when a simple “No freakin’ way” or “I don’t think so” would suffice.  Oh, crap.  I did it anyway.  Oh well.  My hatred of those two words stems from a long line of “we’ll see’s” that were dished out by my mom, my ex “friends,” and my ex boyfriends/guys who strung me along and made me crazy!  I’m pretty good at handling the truth. In fact, I prefer hearing the truth, no matter how painful it may be.  After all, a lie told to preserve feelings only ends up hurting those feelings even more when the lie is discovered.  I was told “We’ll see” by no less than 3 people today and I know at least one of them was being a big fat liar!  I’m going to give them all the benefit of doubt though because really, I could have just asked for further explanation from them.  Right?

 

Really, this is no one’s problem other than my own.  It all stems from my past baggage and my desire to have a clear answer even though, sometimes, a vague response is all one can offer.  Still, I’d much rather hear something like “I will think about it and get back to you” or “I might like to but I really don’t want to commit to anything.”  Oh well.  Snarky rant that I wasn’t going to do is now over.

 

 

In other news, I have amazing friends who are totally uplifting, loving, and generous.  My friend Roni and her dad diagnosed that my car, in fact, did not need brakes, only brake fluid. YAY!  Saved me lots of money on new brakes and I can now drive without feeling like I’m going to die.  That’s a great thing!

 

Today was also my first day back at work after two weeks off.  It was so hard to stay awake! Now, as tired as I am, I can’t go to sleep.  Blah!  So frustrating.  But tomorrow is another day and tomorrow night springs forth with an abundance of new possibilities.  One possibility, I go to work, stay awake all day, go to Acton and lead worship in a semi decent way, go to the gym, have food, pass out asleep.  Yup.  Sounds like a plan to me!  Maybe more sleep will make me less crazy and less cranky and more happy/content with my life? Worship always helps so I’m looking forward to that.  

 

Peace and ❤ white chocolate mochas,

Jenn

 

 

PS  This photo here sums up how I am when it comes to guys and probably one reason why I am still single:

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You’re as Subtle as a Brick on the Small of My Back/ Breaking Dawn Part Two was awesome (326)

I’m beginning to think it might be a wee bit too lofty to assume I’ll be able to write every day so let’s all just be thankful I can find time to write at all.  The problem is, I get all these thoughts that I’d like to write down all at the wrong times! For example, at work, on the way to work, while cooking dinner, while studying, while reading, while driving, etc. When I finally get home at night and get a chance to write it all down, I’m so tired I can’t do anything more than lay down and go to sleep or numb my mind with a movie. In fact…

Sleep has been my extra curricular activity lately. Tuesday night I went to bed at 9:30pm and Wednesday I was asleep by 8:30pm. It kind of made me feel super old and boring to be honest. But at least I wasn’t super tired at work the following mornings. 

Then I kind of undid all my good deeds from sleeping so much by seeing the midnight showing of Breaking Dawn Part Two.  It was worth it though. It was a really good movie! It was also a great way to end the franchise. There’s a twist at the end of the movie that had me really pissed off while watching it but all was okay by the end of the movie.  I can see why the screen play writer wrote it like that.  I think it was a really good compliment to the book, especially since the book went in detail about peoples powers and we get to really experience Alice’s power in that scene and get a glimpse into how it must feel to live in her world. I don’t have any complaints about the movie except maybe baby Renesmee. That baby is super creepy. Okay and my second complaint would be getting more of the background of them hunting for an answer to how long Renesmee would live and getting to see more of Charlie. It was a bittersweet ending though.  I love the movies and the books so much that it’s hard to be happy that the past movie came out.  It’s the end of an era…albeit a good one. 

I thought it was fitting that the director chose to show all the main characters from all the movies in the end before the credits ran. Because really, no movie/book was a standalone. You needed to read them all and watch them all to get the full story and get closure.  This one might end up being my favorite of all the movies.  Possibly… I’ll make my decision I suppose after I see the other movies again and watch this one like 4 more times.  😉

I’ve been in a wrestling match with my emotions lately. While I like my job and the ministries I’m involved in, I’m not happy with other areas of my life and it’s making me kind of depressed which makes me more tired and not wanting to go out to see people and not want to be involved in life in general. If you’re reading this and know me personally, you might be shocked, idunno.  I’m not really sure what to do about what’s going on with me.  It’s not as if there’s a switch to turn off how I feel unless I started taking drugs and that’s not going to happen.  I know that drugs and alcohol don’t solve anything, they just hide the problem until you can no longer run from it or you end up dying.  I know I can pray about it, and I have been, it’s just not helping me right now. They’re all subtle feelings too that end up compounding into something much larger and more painful. I don’t even have a positive way to end this paragraph.  It’s interesting to think back on life when I’m feeling happy and when I’m feeling depressed and see how the picture changes.  When depressed, the past seems like I’ve been mostly sad and depressed and unhappy most of my life.  When I’m happy, it seems like I’ve just been hit with hard times here and there and some sad periods but mostly good and happy times.  Different perspectives are pretty crazy huh? The same life lived, viewed from different lenses, has many different interpretations.

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