Today I was praying and I got a really weird but oddly sweet image. While praying, I saw a human heart that was like a sponge and it was soaking full of water. Then a man wrung all the water out of the heart and it was left dry and fluffy. I then saw myself as a little girl, hugging the heart close to my body and swaying side to side. I don’t know why this made me feel like I have hope that I will find love some day?
All day at work I felt a pretty strong sense of being loved. It was interesting. I’m pretty out of touch with my feelings when it comes to liking someone and I can almost never tell if someone else has feelings for me unless they’re really blunt about it so I’m not sure if my weird lovey dovey feelings have to do with me having a dumb crush on someone or if it’s something else. Regardless, I felt really in touch with God today and a really strong sense that He was with me. That was awesome!
Then, when I was leading worship tonight at Acton Rehab, I felt so overwhelmingly connected to God and head over heals in love with Him. It was as is He were a real person standing right in front of me and I was singing these songs of love and adoration directly to Him. It was beautiful and bittersweet. I really do love God but He knows that I need human connection too. I love feeling in love and I love God’s love because it is completely unconditional and absolutely perfect but I also want the experience of imperfect, messy human love and all that it entails. But, for at least a few hours, I felt like I was in a loving, romantic relationship.
True, authentic worship awakens your soul and sets your heart on fire with love for God and love for others. It makes the sky seem more blue, the flowers look prettier, you feel as if you’re floating on clouds, and you’re more patient with people and kinder towards others. God’s love is absolutely perfect, amazing, transforming, sustaining, life giving, and uplifting. I’m thankful that, while I don’t have any romantic love between me and a man, I at least have the perfect love that God can give me. It sustains me in ways that no human relationship alone can. In fact, I don’t see how any of my relationships would last without God’s love. I just hope that, some day soon, God will allow me to have the love of a man who I too will be in love with. For now, my heart beats for God alone!
(Photo Credit: Jarrid Wilson)
Really?! If so, I’m a wee bit screwed unless the Beatles were including God’s love. Then I guess I’m covered. Seems like everyone I meet nowadays is married or in a relationship and those I meet who aren’t either aren’t interested in me or I’m not interested in them. Sad face. Maybe it’s just because I’m getting old or maybe it’s because I haven’t been in a legit relationship since 2009 but I would really like to find a guy I could fall in love with. I’m not really sure I’m going to meet him in Lancaster. Le sigh…
Today was my first full day of working. I learned a bunch of stuff and really hope that I retain it all. I got super tired around 2:45pm with almost 2 hours left in the day which kinda sucked. I also had a migraine all day tho so that helped make me even more tired. It was a good day tho. Hopefully my boss thinks I’m doing a good job. I’m really trying my hardest to do the best I can. I guess that’s all I can do.
Went to dinner and shopping with Brandi after work and had fun. Bought a new shirt, some tank tops for under my cardigans, a bra, a pair of teal jeans, a necklace, and 3 rings. I hate a lot of the fashion out there right now. 80’s ugly clothes really aren’t my style. I can’t wait till the hippy look is popular again with peasant tops and pretty florals rather than neon ugly crap. I’m so descriptive, I know. I’m exhausted. Need sleep…