Well, this is it. My last day as a twentysomething.
I really would like to have some sort of epic last journal entry but I just don’t have one.
My twenties have been hard. Sometimes they were downright horrible. Other times were the best of my life this far. I’ve traveled up and down the California coast, to the South, across the country to the Midwest, and across the world to Belfast, Northern Ireland.
I’ve made some amazing friends, fallen in love, gotten my heart broken, found God, lost my way and sorta found it again, and discovered that I have the strength to pull through difficult times with enough help from my friends, family, and God.
I’ve had a couple of okay jobs, a very horrible job, and finally have a job working for a company I love. They’ve all taught me something new. I’ve had a lot of money, a little money, and practically no money. Somehow, I usually have enough money to get by.
I’ve taken risks. I’ve had some wins. I’ve had some losses. I’ve wished and hoped and seen some come to be and others have remained a dream.
I’ve lost two of the most important people in my life – my grandpa first and my grandma second. I had the privilege of holding a newborn baby, hours after she was born. I’ve met some amazing little girls who aren’t my own nieces but whom I love just like they were. I see hope and a future in them. I can only imagine the life ahead for them and how they will grow and experience some of the same things I’ve experienced.
I’ve learned that, as alone as I feel sometimes, I’m really not that alone. There’s always going to be someone to reach out to. Things aren’t always going to be easy but they won’t always be tough either. I’m not a twentysomething anymore but I’m still me.
I don’t feel like I should be thirty but I am. Time to deal with it and face this new day tomorrow with a hope for a future that is fulfilling, meaningful, and full of love.
So, I haven’t been writing because, well, life got in the way. I wouldn’t trade the past few days for anything though.
There’s been some way crazy stuff happening but there’s been some really, really awesome stuff happening too! Hence, why I haven’t written.
I’m getting nervous for my birthday. Despite #alltheamazingthings that are coming up in the next 12-13 months, I’m still not ready to leave my twenties behind. I know that I’m still going to be me but that stupid 2 changing to a 3 seems to signify the end of my youth and the beginning of my adult life. As if now, I’m not allowed to silly or go on crazy adventures because that’s the sort of stuff that goes on in your twenties not your thirties.
I feel like a broken record and I don’t want to anymore. I am looking forward to going to San Fran for the dreaded day. I’ll be helping out/staying at the YWAM base there. By helping out, I mean that I’ll be tagging along with my friend who’s a missionary there and hoping to get to do some ministry. I also hope to meet up with some people from the #STARTexp if we can arrange it.
Today was a really positive day. Good things are happening. Good, crazy, amazing things are in the works. I’ll share when the time is right. For now, I’m off to sleep way past my bedtime.
Peace, love, and pumpkin spice lattes!
To say that I’m scared would be an understatement. Here’s my reasons why I’m not looking forward to being 30:
1. I’m no longer going to be in my twenties and saying I’m “in my thirties” sounds really old to me. I don’t feel like a 30 year old.
2. I’m single. Like, really single! I don’t even have any prospects for a potential guy I could realistically be interested in or start a relationship with. There are literally no more single guys in my church! And forget online dating. That’s a complete bust when the only guys who seem interested in me are only interested in sex. Le Sigh…
3. I’m stuck. I feel as though I’m in a rut and I have been for a while. I feel as though I wasted a lot of my early twenties on stupid things and people who only hurt me. I try hard to live without regrets but, even though I learned some really good lessons, I have regrets. Regrets totally suck!
4. There’s a chance that I will never be able to have children with each passing year. I really want to be a mom but that takes having a husband. I know there are other options available but I really want to experience creating life. Does that make me selfish? Maybe it does. Or maybe I’m just human and it’s a natural thing to want?
5. I’m not doing what I’m passionate about and I can’t really fully decide what that passion is. There’s a lot of things that I love and a lot of things I really want to do. I really want to be a better worship leader and all around musician. I really want to be a missionary and serve God on a global capacity. And I really, really love reading. Is there any way I can combine all of those things into a job that allows me to survive? Because that would be just super fantastic!
I’m really trying to be optimistic though. As young as I feel and look, I guess the fact that I am thirty won’t mean all that much. Maybe I can get away without telling anyone my age and they can just assume that I’m in my early twenties? Yeah…it might get out anyway.
I am looking forward to a new decade of possibly not making the same mistakes I made in the past.
A) I now know what I don’t want and what I would like to have in a significant other.
B) I am stronger in my faith than I have been before and I have more knowledge of the character of who God is and who He isn’t.
C) I have better priorities and I actually do what I want to do and not only what others want me to do.
D) I have a good support system in place in the shape of a great online community (StartSingles) and a great real life, 3D community.
E) I have a church that I love and that loves me back.
F) I’m closer to my mom and have a better relationship with her than I’ve ever had before in my entire life! This is probably the best thing that’s happened in the past few years. I’m so lucky to have her and to have had a chance to be closer to her.
G) I have all these friends who live all around the world which opens the doors up to more possibilities than I’ve ever had before.
H) I’m learning how to punch fear in the face on a daily basis! Whether I’m afraid of looking stupid, being vulnerable, being a failure, or being successful. I guess this means people might one day be able to read a book I’m writing or listen to music I’m making?
I) The future is wide open…
Okay, that last one might be a little too optimistic, even for me, but I feel like I need to throw that in there for my own good. After talking with some friends recently, I have had some mini revelations about what’s to come in the next few months and what I need to do starting right now to reach the goals I want to reach. That’s pretty exciting to me!
So maybe when I turn thirty I won’t have a husband with a house of our own and children playing in the yard. Maybe I won’t have my dream job and maybe I won’t have everything all figured out. But maybe, just maybe, I’ll be one more day closer to doing all that and fulfilling whatever purpose there is for my life.