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Sometimes having an “adult” job really sucks -or- In retrospect, getting laid off can be a good thing (83)

I work in Payroll and today was the first day that I wasn’t exactly thrilled with my job.  Up until now, I didn’t really personally know anyone who got “termed” but today I did.  I don’t really know the person super well but we had hung out outside of work.  So we weren’t super close but I could still say we’re friends.  It was awkward and sad to have the knowledge that they weren’t going to have a job at the company anymore and I knew about it before they did.  But I knew this was part of the job and I also knew that this was going to be the most difficult part of my job for me.  

 

I’ve never been fired before but I have been downsized.  It came at me and all my coworkers from left field.  We were working hard and our branch was doing well when, all of a sudden, the regional manager comes in, talks to the manager for a few minutes, our manager comes out of his office and calls a meeting, and the regional manager says. 

“I’m going to keep this short and sweet.  As of right now, this branch is closed.  You have 5 minutes to pack up your desk and leave.  Your final check will be sent to you through the mail.”

And that was it.  It was at a crazy bad time of my life for that to happen too.  I had just signed a one year lease on an apartment that I loved and I was living 2,000 miles away from all my friends and family and in a really bad relationship with a guy who just got fired – on the same day that I got laid off!  Luckily, my mom came out to visit for my birthday a week later and she kind of rescued me and told me I could move back home to Cali and start over.  So I did.  

 

I guess, in retrospect, getting laid off was the best thing ever to happen to me.  It was the catalyst that set in motion some really good things that would happen a few years down the road.  It still sucked for a really long time (like 2 years) after but it happened and now it’s in the past so…there ya go.  God used it for good and I ultimately was able to get out of that relationship which I probably would be miserable in right now had that not occurred.  

 

But back to my current job.  I really love the people I work with and the “family” like atmosphere we have.  But the downside, which I know clearly see, is that, when you’re that comfortable with people, it’s hard to see them leave.

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I don’t even know anymore. Here’s a brief explanation of what’s been up.

So there’s really no excuse for me letting myself down. I made a commitment to this blog and then gave up when life got super busy. There’s really no guarantees that it won’t happen again and again but I can’t try to resurrect this poor old blog.

In short, what happened was I got super busy being a leader of an actual worship team and then found out some rather depressing news about my ex-fiancé that had to do with the fact that he couldn’t keep it in his pants when I wasn’t around 24/7. There’s not enough time right now to go into all the things I’d like to say to him or about the situation so I just won’t.

Then dropped off the face of the earth and have now decided it is time for this to become a reality again. After all, there’s so much that has happened since I stopped writing and so much left to happen in these short last months.

So stay tuned. I hope I won’t disappoint you.

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I’m Not a Huge Fan of Sushi but I Love My Friends (257)

This morning I saw the most beautiful red sunrise ever. It was like the sky was on fire! One of the best parts of living in the desert is the sunrises and sunsets we get to see. It’s romantic in the classical sense but also in the sense that we get to see God’s beauty in His creation and fall in love with Him a little more. And I really do. You can’t help but be in awe of the beauty of creation and when I think about how much more beautiful God is than the lost beautiful sunrise and how He sees me as that beautiful, how can I not fall in love with God more!?

But anyways, today was a good day at work. It was long but busy for most of the day so that was great! My boss is so funny sometimes! He found this conspiracy theory website that had us cracking up for a while. It made the afternoon just more awesome than it already was. Lunch was even great! I like getting to eat lunch with Jason. It’s nice to have a friend to sit and scarf food down as quickly as possibly because we only get 30 minutes to eat. Not to mention that he’s funny. Lol.

After work was so great! Joel, Bruce, Jason I., Kelli, Brandi, Crystal, and I went to get sushi. I had a baked chicken roll and, surprisingly, it still tasted like sushi. I also had 4 cups of Soju Cocktail – very potent stuff that doesn’t taste strong. I didn’t get drunk but I definitely felt the alcohol. It was good to get out and have a good time with my friends. Especially since Joel was able to come with us and we hardly ever get to spend time with him.

After dinner, Bruce, Crystal, Brandi, and I went to Brandi’s and ended up listening to music, playing guitar, painting, and talking. It was wonderful. I love getting to play guitar! It’s so fun now that I’m a little more confident. And I got to share with crystal some of the accomplishments I’ve had at Acton Rehab. I’m seriously so proud of her for being so brave. She inspires me to be brave and bold. I’m going to be so sad when she leaves. But hopefully I’ll get to go to Australia in the fall for my birthday.

The night was filled with great conversation and learning new things about friends. I love getting to know new people and finding out all the little things they enjoy. I like finding common ground and interests and hidden talents. I’m so proud of my friends for being bold and in awe of their talents! I’m blessed to have such amazingly talented friends who inspire me and encourage me and are such a joy to be around.

Life is just really good right now and I want to embrace it and acknowledge it. Even though there are some bad days, they’re mostly good and I give all the credit to God for that. I don’t deserve these blessings but I’m thankful for them and thankful for my friends. They’re pretty amazeballs. Until tomorrow…

Peace, love, and chai tea lattes,
-Jenn

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It’s Actually All Quite Amazeballs -or- I Was Feeling Very Emo Today (258)

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Today was both amazeballs and horrible.  All day long at work I was feeling really horrible; I mean sore throat, cough, sneezy, headache, stuffy nose/can’t breathe from the right nostril, etc.  In addition to feeling like the poster child for horrible sinus problems, I stayed up way too late and was extremely tired all day aaaaand it didn’t seem like my boss was particularly talkative aaaaaand I was feeling like I was on the verge of delving into depression…again.  Let me tell you, it’s really frustrating to be a perfectly (normal amount of) crazy, joyful, silly person one minute and feel like the saddest, most horrible and insane person ever!  

So there I was, working and listening to worship music on Spotify when, all of a sudden, these thoughts just invade my brain.  It’s like a sneak attack because I don’t even know where the heck they come from.  I wasn’t even thinking anything remotely close to relationships and here come those thoughts, feeding on all my insecurities and making me feel like a monster.  What’s interesting is that, this past Sunday, I was explaining to someone how I believe that Satan will use our thoughts to lie to us and get us to believe something contrary to God’s truth and then I get attacked like that out of left field.  

So here I am at work, starting to feel worse and worse by the second and worrying that I might have to text Brandi to pray for me when God reminds me that I need to keep every thought captive and to meditate on the Truth.  He also said that I don’t have time to be depressed with all the worship I lead so I need to pray and fight this.  Know what I did?  I prayed and praised Him and it helped!  The thought’s didn’t completely leave until hours later in Acton when Rick prayed to open us before I led worship but I was a whole lot better while meditating on God’s truths.  The truth is, no matter what man is or isn’t in my life, I am deeply loved by God.  He loves me enough to be with me in my time of need in the middle of a work day.  He loves me enough to put amazing people in my life who will pray for me and stand by me.  He loves me soooo much that He gave me an amazing friend named Lindy to post something totally random on my Facebook that I would check and be reminded of an amazing time at a concert and the amazing blessings God has given to me.  Then, on the way home from work, I get a very random text from a friend about my hair in his car.  Random, yet funny.  But anyways, God totally used a bunch of different ways to pull me out of a tailspin and back on the path to goodness.

 

 The other amazeballs part of my day was when I was leading worship in Acton Rehab.  I was still really really tired even though I was really looking forward to worshipping together so, on the car ride there, I prayed for myself and for Rick, the one teaching tonight, that we would both be energized and do a great job.  It wasn’t until Rick had finished praying that I felt this huge surge of energy.  It was like someone flipped the switched and I was super pumped and had all this energy and worship was fantastic!  I was able to play 3 songs continuously, blending them all together to make this one amazing worship set!  It wasn’t just me thinking it was amazing either!  I heard from some others that they thought it was good.  Regardless, I accomplished one of my goals tonight so that felt good and I felt really connected with the ladies and God while leading worship and that’s always a great experience.  

Now, I’m home and wanting to send my worship set list with charts to my worship team, alas, the internet isn’t working.  So, naturally, I decided writing a blog on my phone would be a better alternative to going to bed early.   😉  I know, I’m so brilliant!  

Anyways, I’m going to try and get some sleep now.  I’m looking forward to tomorrow.  Work is going to be grand due to it being payroll Wednesday and after work is going to be awesome because I’ll be meeting some friends for sushi and drinks.  Yay!!!  

 

Peace, love, and thousands of kit kat bars!

~Jenn

 

PS, I wish I could hire my friend Corrie to live here and be my personal stylist so I can have great hair like in this picture every day!

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Oh the Weather Outside is Frightful, but My Heated Blanket is Sooooo Delightful! (294)

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The weather has been generally frightful lately.  It’s been cold and windy and annoying.  But there have been a few random days that have brought some rain so that was nice.  The rain always makes me think of being in Belfast and the amazing people I met there and hope to always remain friends with.  Two in particular, although I think our bond was truly forged when they came to America and we got to spend a summer/fall together.  John and Hannah will always be my favorite inhabitants of the UK (I say UK since they now both live outside of Belfast).  

 

I have seriously neglected this blog and, trust me, it has haunted me daily.  I’ve been so tired/busy/stressed/happy/confused/worn down that I haven’t had time.  Every time I thought of taking a moment to write, I would fall asleep.  Exciting huh?  I’m going to try to make a better effort now though, especially since I’ll be going on vacation soon.

 

Here’s a recap of stuff that’s happened:

  • Saw Ives the Band again (Yippee!!!) and got to talking to them after the show.  They gave Brandi, Crystal, and me free tee shirts and thanked us for being so supportive.  There’s a slight possibility that they also might come play at my church in the future but that’s not something I can really talk about yet.
  • Got into a slight fender bender but the guy never called me back and never contacted my insurance so I’m guessing I’ll never hear about it again.  Whatevs.  It wasn’t in my car (I was driving Brandi’s) so that complicated things a bit.  Everyone was fine.  I was going 5 mph when it happened.  Stupid L.A.
  • I’ve been working at my job now for almost 2 months and I still love the people and the company.  I’m beginning to know a bit of what we do and things are starting to make more sense.  I still feel lost at times but I’m now able to ask more intelligent questions to help me understand a bit more.  That’s really what I need to do my job well – understanding of the total process.  Hopefully things will get even easier and I’ll have even more clarity over the next 6 weeks.
  • I’m moving out of my condo and into my mom’s house temporarily.  Sigh… I just didn’t have enough time to find a roommate and all the one bedroom apartments in non-life-threatening areas are too much for me to afford right now.  Maybe if I’m lucky I’ll get some good raises in the next couple of months?  Or, more likely, maybe one of my friends or someone I know and like will want to rent an apartment with me.  Hopefully.  Otherwise, at this point, I might just end up being super poor and getting a one bedroom of my own.
  • I finished my weekly classes of VLI.  I’ve now just got two finals and some papers to write.  Yay!  I’ll probably end up getting my certificate in March after winter 2012 quarter is over.  I think next year I’m going to try and take classes to finish up my bachelors in English. We’ll see.

That’s about all that’s been going on.  I’ve been way too busy with ministry and studying and packing to really have a lot of fun.  My friend Crystal is back from Australia until the end of January so I plan on spending a lot of time with her.  Luckily, my company is pretty much shut down from 12/21/12 – 1/2/13 and my boss is letting me take time off through the 7th so I get a full two weeks off with no work!  Yay!  There will definitely be ice skating and movies and crocheting and reading and playing guitar involved.  

 

I’m going to Las Vegas for Christmas with my mom.  We’re meeting my brother there – he’s flying in from Montana for a few days.  I’m looking forward to hanging out with them.  I love my brother and love spending time with him.  We rarely get to see each other so it’s nice that the three of us will get to spend the holiday together.  We’re going to stay at the Mandalay Bay and see Jersey Boys.  That’s about all we have planned for now.  I plan on hitting the gym, relaxing in a bubble bath, reading a book, getting a massage/mani/pedi/facial aka spending too much money in a spa, and hopefully seeing some of the museums I have never seen in all my trips to Vegas.  

 

Now, since I’m exhausted, I’m going to go to sleep.  I’ve got many, many things to do tomorrow and I’m running on an average of 5 hours of sleep lately.  It’s not enough.  I’m definitely not 22 anymore – regardless of the fact that people tell me I still look 22.  I need my beauty sleep.  

 

Bon nuit mes amies!

 

~Jenn

 

You’re as Subtle as a Brick on the Small of My Back/ Breaking Dawn Part Two was awesome (326)

I’m beginning to think it might be a wee bit too lofty to assume I’ll be able to write every day so let’s all just be thankful I can find time to write at all.  The problem is, I get all these thoughts that I’d like to write down all at the wrong times! For example, at work, on the way to work, while cooking dinner, while studying, while reading, while driving, etc. When I finally get home at night and get a chance to write it all down, I’m so tired I can’t do anything more than lay down and go to sleep or numb my mind with a movie. In fact…

Sleep has been my extra curricular activity lately. Tuesday night I went to bed at 9:30pm and Wednesday I was asleep by 8:30pm. It kind of made me feel super old and boring to be honest. But at least I wasn’t super tired at work the following mornings. 

Then I kind of undid all my good deeds from sleeping so much by seeing the midnight showing of Breaking Dawn Part Two.  It was worth it though. It was a really good movie! It was also a great way to end the franchise. There’s a twist at the end of the movie that had me really pissed off while watching it but all was okay by the end of the movie.  I can see why the screen play writer wrote it like that.  I think it was a really good compliment to the book, especially since the book went in detail about peoples powers and we get to really experience Alice’s power in that scene and get a glimpse into how it must feel to live in her world. I don’t have any complaints about the movie except maybe baby Renesmee. That baby is super creepy. Okay and my second complaint would be getting more of the background of them hunting for an answer to how long Renesmee would live and getting to see more of Charlie. It was a bittersweet ending though.  I love the movies and the books so much that it’s hard to be happy that the past movie came out.  It’s the end of an era…albeit a good one. 

I thought it was fitting that the director chose to show all the main characters from all the movies in the end before the credits ran. Because really, no movie/book was a standalone. You needed to read them all and watch them all to get the full story and get closure.  This one might end up being my favorite of all the movies.  Possibly… I’ll make my decision I suppose after I see the other movies again and watch this one like 4 more times.  😉

I’ve been in a wrestling match with my emotions lately. While I like my job and the ministries I’m involved in, I’m not happy with other areas of my life and it’s making me kind of depressed which makes me more tired and not wanting to go out to see people and not want to be involved in life in general. If you’re reading this and know me personally, you might be shocked, idunno.  I’m not really sure what to do about what’s going on with me.  It’s not as if there’s a switch to turn off how I feel unless I started taking drugs and that’s not going to happen.  I know that drugs and alcohol don’t solve anything, they just hide the problem until you can no longer run from it or you end up dying.  I know I can pray about it, and I have been, it’s just not helping me right now. They’re all subtle feelings too that end up compounding into something much larger and more painful. I don’t even have a positive way to end this paragraph.  It’s interesting to think back on life when I’m feeling happy and when I’m feeling depressed and see how the picture changes.  When depressed, the past seems like I’ve been mostly sad and depressed and unhappy most of my life.  When I’m happy, it seems like I’ve just been hit with hard times here and there and some sad periods but mostly good and happy times.  Different perspectives are pretty crazy huh? The same life lived, viewed from different lenses, has many different interpretations.

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The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest! (331)

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You know what’s awesome? I was dreading going to work today because I was so exhausted last week after waking up so early every day.  Today actually wasn’t even bad.  I woke up fairly easily and stayed awake and alert all day long.  Work was actually really good, too.  I had lunch with Joel and Jason came to visit.  My boss and I had visitors throughout the day to break up the monotony of the stuff we were working on.  All in all, it was a really good work day.  

 

After work, however, was really tough!!!  I had my 3rd to last weekday class of VLI and it was hard to stay awake during it.  The material is actually really good and we’re learning about my favorite books of the bible (Genesis through Deuteronomy) but it was so cold and I was so tired, I’m not sure how I kept my eyes open the whole time!  I’m only up now because I had to write out my lyrics for Acton worship tomorrow night and e-mail them to get printed.  

 

We had our first DV College Worship Night with a full band last night.  It was so awesome!  We had Kyle on the harmonica, Bruce on the bass, Lindy, Randy, and me on guitar/vocals, and David on the cajon.  It was so neat to get to play Our God with more than just myself!!!  I am looking forward to more opportunities to play together.  Plus, I had been praying for a bassist and suddenly, out of nowhere almost, God brought us a bassist.  AWESOME!!!!  

 

There’s a million things I want to write about but right now is not the time.  I need to go to sleep.  Until tomorrow friends…

 

~Jenn

All you need is love! Ba badadada! (336)

Really?! If so, I’m a wee bit screwed unless the Beatles were including God’s love. Then I guess I’m covered. Seems like everyone I meet nowadays is married or in a relationship and those I meet who aren’t either aren’t interested in me or I’m not interested in them. Sad face. Maybe it’s just because I’m getting old or maybe it’s because I haven’t been in a legit relationship since 2009 but I would really like to find a guy I could fall in love with. I’m not really sure I’m going to meet him in Lancaster. Le sigh…

Today was my first full day of working. I learned a bunch of stuff and really hope that I retain it all. I got super tired around 2:45pm with almost 2 hours left in the day which kinda sucked. I also had a migraine all day tho so that helped make me even more tired. It was a good day tho. Hopefully my boss thinks I’m doing a good job. I’m really trying my hardest to do the best I can.  I guess that’s all I can do.

Went to dinner and shopping with Brandi after work and had fun. Bought a new shirt, some tank tops for under my cardigans, a bra, a pair of teal jeans, a necklace, and 3 rings.  I hate a lot of the fashion out there right now. 80’s ugly clothes really aren’t my style.  I can’t wait till the hippy look is popular again with peasant tops and pretty florals rather than neon ugly crap. I’m so descriptive, I know.  I’m exhausted. Need sleep…

Love,
Zzzzz Zzzzz

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All great revelations, please take a number (357)

Today was a good Tuesday.  Work was long (I’m not sure why the work day has been seeming so long lately) but it wasn’t good or bad; just a normal Tuesday.

Acton Rehab was good though. Rick taught tonight on “forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors” and I lead worship.  I’m in desperate need of learning some new songs. Everyone told me I did really well even though I have a sore throat and felt like I was only functioning at 68%. It’s times like these that I’m even more grateful for feedback.

I as super exhausted by the time I got home.  I made a very easy but yummy dinner- a Pb and J sandwhich- and fell asleep…at 9:30! Lol. I just woke up. Any other Tuesday it would be Dexter night with some friends but I guess we’re taking a break until our friend is done moving? Whatever the reason, I’m grateful for the time I get to now rest and hopefully get better. This is Snow Patrol weekend after all!!!!

To say that I’m excited to see Snow Patrol is an understatement. They’re one of my favorite bands and the only one, out of my fav’s that are touring. Lucky me!!!  As I wrap up tonight’s post, please look at this lovely photo of some of the members of Snow Patrol. See how close I was last time? I was in the front row on the left.  This time, I’ll be front row center baby!!!!

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Hi, my name is Jenn and I’m addicted/obsessed with Snow Patrol.

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Watching Nick at Nite aka the old TGIF with F.R.I.E.N.D.S thrown in (358)

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I love watching Nick at Nite. It reminds me of being a kid.  Right now I’m watching Full House. It’s a total trip down memory lane because I can still remember watching these episodes for the first time! Later on I will watch The Nanny and then F.R.I.E.N.D.S. I have probably watched all the F.R.I.E.N.D.S. episodes more than any other TV show.  Luckily for all my friends, I only watch them by myself now.  I think everyone else would get annoyed with my constant quoting of all the lines and laughing at the events that are about to happen.  How on earth did they come up with such a timeless and re-watchable show? I mean, really! I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of it!

Today was a rough day at work. I won’t go into it because it’s done and over with.  It just reminded me that boundaries in all relationships, personal or professional, need to have super clear boundaries whenever possible and I need to enforce those boundaries.

Class was super good tonight though. I feel thoroughly encouraged and uplifted! Now I want to go out and speak directly to illness and administer healing in the name of Jesus! Woooo! This is one of the best quarters ever. Too bad it’s my last one. Well…I’m actually really happy it’s my last one. I’m so ready to graduate and move on to the next stage of my life.

Wait a second…what is the next stage of my life?! Only time will tell at this point…

Cheers!
-Jenn

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