Today I was praying and I got a really weird but oddly sweet image. While praying, I saw a human heart that was like a sponge and it was soaking full of water. Then a man wrung all the water out of the heart and it was left dry and fluffy. I then saw myself as a little girl, hugging the heart close to my body and swaying side to side. I don’t know why this made me feel like I have hope that I will find love some day?
All day at work I felt a pretty strong sense of being loved. It was interesting. I’m pretty out of touch with my feelings when it comes to liking someone and I can almost never tell if someone else has feelings for me unless they’re really blunt about it so I’m not sure if my weird lovey dovey feelings have to do with me having a dumb crush on someone or if it’s something else. Regardless, I felt really in touch with God today and a really strong sense that He was with me. That was awesome!
Then, when I was leading worship tonight at Acton Rehab, I felt so overwhelmingly connected to God and head over heals in love with Him. It was as is He were a real person standing right in front of me and I was singing these songs of love and adoration directly to Him. It was beautiful and bittersweet. I really do love God but He knows that I need human connection too. I love feeling in love and I love God’s love because it is completely unconditional and absolutely perfect but I also want the experience of imperfect, messy human love and all that it entails. But, for at least a few hours, I felt like I was in a loving, romantic relationship.
True, authentic worship awakens your soul and sets your heart on fire with love for God and love for others. It makes the sky seem more blue, the flowers look prettier, you feel as if you’re floating on clouds, and you’re more patient with people and kinder towards others. God’s love is absolutely perfect, amazing, transforming, sustaining, life giving, and uplifting. I’m thankful that, while I don’t have any romantic love between me and a man, I at least have the perfect love that God can give me. It sustains me in ways that no human relationship alone can. In fact, I don’t see how any of my relationships would last without God’s love. I just hope that, some day soon, God will allow me to have the love of a man who I too will be in love with. For now, my heart beats for God alone!
(Photo Credit: Jarrid Wilson)
I love watching Nick at Nite. It reminds me of being a kid. Right now I’m watching Full House. It’s a total trip down memory lane because I can still remember watching these episodes for the first time! Later on I will watch The Nanny and then F.R.I.E.N.D.S. I have probably watched all the F.R.I.E.N.D.S. episodes more than any other TV show. Luckily for all my friends, I only watch them by myself now. I think everyone else would get annoyed with my constant quoting of all the lines and laughing at the events that are about to happen. How on earth did they come up with such a timeless and re-watchable show? I mean, really! I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of it!
Today was a rough day at work. I won’t go into it because it’s done and over with. It just reminded me that boundaries in all relationships, personal or professional, need to have super clear boundaries whenever possible and I need to enforce those boundaries.
Class was super good tonight though. I feel thoroughly encouraged and uplifted! Now I want to go out and speak directly to illness and administer healing in the name of Jesus! Woooo! This is one of the best quarters ever. Too bad it’s my last one. Well…I’m actually really happy it’s my last one. I’m so ready to graduate and move on to the next stage of my life.
Wait a second…what is the next stage of my life?! Only time will tell at this point…