I wanna fly like an eagle, to the sea! Or…I got brave and posted a cover on YouTube (27)

Man oh man do I have the travel bug right now!  I blame the #STARTexp and #SS peeps.  They all live all around the world and that makes me want to visit all of them!  People say a lot of stuff about how horrible facebook can be but, honestly, I’ve found more community in that group than I have in some other areas of my life.  They’re a great group of super supportive people who only wan to be uplifting, encouraging, compassionate, silly, and sarcastic with one another.  It’s loads of fun! 

But I’m soooo bummed that I can’t travel to see them all.  I already have a friend who lives in Atlanta who I want to visit so there’s the whole “I want to go to Atlanta” bit.  Then, there’s the allure of the white sand beaches and the crystal clear water of Florida that makes me wanna fly there and visit real bad!  Seriously, I would go to Florida tomorrow if I had $700 for my plane ticket and transportation money and money to stay in a hostel.  Hint hint…my birthday is coming up soon after all.  Want to fund a trip to Florida for me? 

 

And then there’s Nashville, TN!!!!  Oh to be in the land of soooo much amazing music and talented musicians and rich culture.  Not to mention the whole Start Conference going on this weekend.  But I wouldn’t even care if I couldn’t go…I just want to be in that city!!!  Granted, my musical talent is no where near the caliber of all those musicians but I would love to try and hang with them and catch some concerts.

 

And Colorado…oh how you tempt me with all your beauty.  Portland, OR is always going to be my go-to city to visit because I love oh so much!!!!  And hello…I would get to meet Genevieve West there and see Xavier and get some more tattoos!  Dude…Portland is me just without the beach (which I would miss like I miss now but obviously I got used to being so far away).  

 

And, as boring as it may seem, I really want to visit the midwest.  I’d like to go back to Dayton, OH and see where I lived for a year.  That year held so much pain and so many trials but I really want to see the good in it and not just remember all the pain.

 

I want to go to Texas so I can visit my original #STARTexp partner, Sarah!  She’s awesome and I want to get to know her in real life.  

 

There’s  a million other places I would like to visit (Thailand, Belfast, Italy, France, Spain, Greece, South Africa, etc) but I’ll have to be content with just going to San Francisco in less than a month.  I am really looking forward to going.  I can’t wait to see my BFF Bethany and, hopefully getting to meet a few STARTers.  

 

If you don’t know what the #STARTexp is, you should google it and look into how to get in on this awesome ride!  And read #allthebooks by Jon Acuff too!  It’s really changed my life and I can see a little bit more of what God has in store for me in the future.  I’ve gotten bolder and stronger in my faith and I feel God’s presence more than ever before.  

 

I love it and I love all of the my #SS friends!  Hopefully we will get to be 3D friends sometime soon!

 

xxJenn

 

PS  Here’s a link for the song I put on YouTube.  There isn’t a picture, it’s just black with audio because all I’m working with is an iPhone.  😉

 

I’m down to the last month! Start with the black clouds and rain now… (29)

To say that I’m scared would be an understatement.  Here’s my reasons why I’m not looking forward to being 30:

1. I’m no longer going to be in my twenties and saying I’m “in my thirties” sounds really old to me.  I don’t feel like a 30 year old.

2. I’m single.  Like, really single!  I don’t even have any prospects for a potential guy I could realistically be interested in or start a relationship with.  There are literally no more single guys in my church!  And forget online dating.  That’s a complete bust when the only guys who seem interested in me are only interested in sex.  Le Sigh…

3. I’m stuck.  I feel as though I’m in a rut and I have been for a while.  I feel as though I wasted a lot of my early twenties on stupid things and people who only hurt me.  I try hard to live without regrets but, even though I learned some really good lessons, I have regrets.  Regrets totally suck!

4. There’s a chance that I will never be able to have children with each passing year.  I really want to be a mom but that takes having a husband.  I know there are other options available but I really want to experience creating life.  Does that make me selfish? Maybe it does.  Or maybe I’m just human and it’s a natural thing to want?

5. I’m not doing what I’m passionate about and I can’t really fully decide what that passion is.  There’s a lot of things that I love and a lot of things I really want to do.  I really want to be a better worship leader and all around musician.  I really want to be a missionary and serve God on a global capacity.  And I really, really love reading.  Is there any way I can combine all of those things into a job that allows me to survive?  Because that would be just super fantastic!

 

I’m really trying to be optimistic though.  As young as I feel and look, I guess the fact that I am thirty won’t mean all that much. Maybe I can get away without telling anyone my age and they can just assume that I’m in my early twenties?  Yeah…it might get out anyway.

 

I am looking forward to a new decade of possibly not making the same mistakes I made in the past.  

A) I now know what I don’t want and what I would like to have in a significant other.  

B) I am stronger in my faith than I have been before and I have more knowledge of the character of who God is and who He isn’t.

C) I have better priorities and I actually do what I want to do and not only what others want me to do.

D) I have a good support system in place in the shape of a great online community (StartSingles) and a great real life, 3D community.

E) I have a church that I love and that loves me back.

F) I’m closer to my mom and have a better relationship with her than I’ve ever had before in my entire life!  This is probably the best thing that’s happened in the past few years.  I’m so lucky to have her and to have had a chance to be closer to her.

G) I have all these friends who live all around the world which opens the doors up to more possibilities than I’ve ever had before.

H) I’m learning how to punch fear in the face on a daily basis!  Whether I’m afraid of looking stupid, being vulnerable, being a failure, or being successful.  I guess this means people might one day be able to read a book I’m writing or listen to music I’m making?  

I) The future is wide open…

 

Okay, that last one might be a little too optimistic, even for me, but I feel like I need to throw that in there for my own good.  After talking with some friends recently, I have had some mini revelations about what’s to come in the next few months and what I need to do starting right now to reach the goals I want to reach.  That’s pretty exciting to me!  

 

So maybe when I turn thirty I won’t have a husband with a house of our own and children playing in the yard.  Maybe I won’t have my dream job and maybe I won’t have everything all figured out.  But maybe, just maybe, I’ll be one more day closer to doing all that and fulfilling whatever purpose there is for my life.

 

xxJenn

 

Some of my support system of awesome friends

 

My BFF who bravely faced turning 30 a few months before me. She’s inspiring!

 

Me, Rosie, and Brandi at a costume party. Just because costume parties are a part of our awesomeness. Also, knowing Rosie helps keep me feeling young!

Some of the awesome people (including my BFF) who are a part of the online community of friends who happen to not be 19 years old. They’re awesome, supportive, and help me be me. Thanks #SS!