I’m down to the last month! Start with the black clouds and rain now… (29)

To say that I’m scared would be an understatement.  Here’s my reasons why I’m not looking forward to being 30:

1. I’m no longer going to be in my twenties and saying I’m “in my thirties” sounds really old to me.  I don’t feel like a 30 year old.

2. I’m single.  Like, really single!  I don’t even have any prospects for a potential guy I could realistically be interested in or start a relationship with.  There are literally no more single guys in my church!  And forget online dating.  That’s a complete bust when the only guys who seem interested in me are only interested in sex.  Le Sigh…

3. I’m stuck.  I feel as though I’m in a rut and I have been for a while.  I feel as though I wasted a lot of my early twenties on stupid things and people who only hurt me.  I try hard to live without regrets but, even though I learned some really good lessons, I have regrets.  Regrets totally suck!

4. There’s a chance that I will never be able to have children with each passing year.  I really want to be a mom but that takes having a husband.  I know there are other options available but I really want to experience creating life.  Does that make me selfish? Maybe it does.  Or maybe I’m just human and it’s a natural thing to want?

5. I’m not doing what I’m passionate about and I can’t really fully decide what that passion is.  There’s a lot of things that I love and a lot of things I really want to do.  I really want to be a better worship leader and all around musician.  I really want to be a missionary and serve God on a global capacity.  And I really, really love reading.  Is there any way I can combine all of those things into a job that allows me to survive?  Because that would be just super fantastic!

 

I’m really trying to be optimistic though.  As young as I feel and look, I guess the fact that I am thirty won’t mean all that much. Maybe I can get away without telling anyone my age and they can just assume that I’m in my early twenties?  Yeah…it might get out anyway.

 

I am looking forward to a new decade of possibly not making the same mistakes I made in the past.  

A) I now know what I don’t want and what I would like to have in a significant other.  

B) I am stronger in my faith than I have been before and I have more knowledge of the character of who God is and who He isn’t.

C) I have better priorities and I actually do what I want to do and not only what others want me to do.

D) I have a good support system in place in the shape of a great online community (StartSingles) and a great real life, 3D community.

E) I have a church that I love and that loves me back.

F) I’m closer to my mom and have a better relationship with her than I’ve ever had before in my entire life!  This is probably the best thing that’s happened in the past few years.  I’m so lucky to have her and to have had a chance to be closer to her.

G) I have all these friends who live all around the world which opens the doors up to more possibilities than I’ve ever had before.

H) I’m learning how to punch fear in the face on a daily basis!  Whether I’m afraid of looking stupid, being vulnerable, being a failure, or being successful.  I guess this means people might one day be able to read a book I’m writing or listen to music I’m making?  

I) The future is wide open…

 

Okay, that last one might be a little too optimistic, even for me, but I feel like I need to throw that in there for my own good.  After talking with some friends recently, I have had some mini revelations about what’s to come in the next few months and what I need to do starting right now to reach the goals I want to reach.  That’s pretty exciting to me!  

 

So maybe when I turn thirty I won’t have a husband with a house of our own and children playing in the yard.  Maybe I won’t have my dream job and maybe I won’t have everything all figured out.  But maybe, just maybe, I’ll be one more day closer to doing all that and fulfilling whatever purpose there is for my life.

 

xxJenn

 

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Some of my support system of awesome friends

 

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My BFF who bravely faced turning 30 a few months before me. She’s inspiring!

 

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Me, Rosie, and Brandi at a costume party. Just because costume parties are a part of our awesomeness. Also, knowing Rosie helps keep me feeling young!

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Some of the awesome people (including my BFF) who are a part of the online community of friends who happen to not be 19 years old. They’re awesome, supportive, and help me be me. Thanks #SS!

 

 

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About Jenn

I am a book lover, a concert goer/lover of music, a singer, a musician, a lover of the beach and nature, an okay friend, a follower of Christ, and a twenty-something...for now.

Posted on September 9, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. In reading your list of the reasons you’re not looking forward to turning 30, I had to laugh. The same thoughts occurred to me. But now as I’m pushing 40, I look back on my 30s and they have been fantastic! Turning 30 was the catalyst for me to get out of my rut, find my passion, and follow it.

    And being single gives you more flexibility to follow your passion. When I quit my stuck-in-a-rut job to follow my dream, I had a lot of married with kids folks tell me they’d live vicariously through me. Because once you get a husband, kids, mortgage on the house with the 2-car garage, it’s sometimes a bit trickier to follow your dreams because you now have other people to think about (not impossible, but more logistics and planning). Whereas I, as the single person, could just up an quit my job and move across country to follow my dream.

    So kudos to you for not only identifying your fears, but for seeing the positive in turning 30 too. And Happy (early) Birthday!

  2. Thank you for your words! I forget sometimes that I do get to travel a lot and that I probably wouldn’t get to travel as much if I were married and tied down. Traveling is something I love and right now I get to do that!

    I’m glad your thirties were so great! I hope at the other side of these next 10 years I’ll be able to say the same!

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